• Module 1 - Attitudes
  • Introduction
  • The Function of Attitudes
  • Opportunites for Discussion
    • Ambivalence
    • Faith Tradition
    • Youth Experiences
    • Case Study
    • Final Reflection
• Module 2 - Awareness
  • Introduction
  • General Awareness Information
  • Salient Features
  • Stages of Alcoholism
  • Physiological Impact
  • Other Options
  • Handouts
• Module 3 - Assimilation
  • Introduction
  • Roles of Religious Leaders
  • Codependency
  • Class Activity
  • Case Study
  • Handouts
• Module 4 - Action
  • Introduction
  • General Considerations
  • "The Twelve Steps" Information
  • Factors
  • Phases
  • Additional Possibilities
  • Handouts

MODULE III: Assimilation

Codependency

 

Competency 4 - Understand that addiction erodes and blocks religious and spiritual development; and be able to effectively communicate the importance of spirituality and the practice of religion in recovery, using the scripture/sacred writings, traditions and rituals of the faith community.

Competency 5 - Be aware of the potential benefits of early intervention to the:
Addicted person
Family system
Affected children

Competency 6 - Be aware of appropriate pastoral interactions with the:
Addicted person
Family system
Affected children

Competency 7 - Be able to communicate and sustain:
An appropriate level of concern
Messages of hope and caring

Codependency is a concept that came into existence in the 1980s with the continuing studies on addiction. In earlier literature, codependency was sometimes described as being a co-alcoholic or para-alcoholic. In most instances, the codependent is one or more members of the household who live with the alcoholic or have lived with an alcoholic in their growing-up years. It can also include others who have significant interaction with the addicted system. This obviously could include the addict's religious leader if the addict is affiliated with a faith community.

Description of a Codependent
There are a variety of definitions or descriptions that are proffered from various people concerning the nature of codependency. You may refer to Module III, Handout 1 for consideration of a sampling of definitions or descriptions of codependency. While this concept developed in the addiction field, its applicability has broadened to include any relationship where adaptation to or enmeshment with another person has exceeded the parameters of what is healthy for either of the persons involved.

Diagnosis of Codependency
Since there are likely several students in any given class who have grown up with or have been exposed to addiction, in all likelihood, they have developed the phenomenon of codependency in their own lives. In order to be more self-aware, it would be judicious for each student to do a self analysis of her or his penchant for codependency as a result of patterns developed earlier in the student's life. Module III, Handout 2 features twenty "yes" or "no" statements which I have found useful in helping students reflect on the degree of co-dependent tendencies. The student should answer this questionnaire for her or himself in order to determine whether codependent proclivities are present.

The presence of codependency has significant spiritual implications for the person who is desirous of being a religious leader. The following concepts can be introduced as a way to talk about the core issues of codependency.

1. Codependent people are notorious for being people pleasers. The first thought that emerges in the mind of the codependent is, what can I do for this other person? In most instances, the codependent is "doing" for someone else what that person should be doing for her or himself. This not only creates a heavy burden for the care giver, but diminishes or even absolves the person with whom the care giver is working from taking personal responsibility. The religious leader who falls into this pattern is not only a candidate for burn out, but also quickly becomes a part of the problem rather than a part of the solution. Since children may be in a position of threat, they often go to extreme lengths to gain affection, attention, and affirmation. Most people who become codependent usually emerge out of codependent households and systems.
   
   
2. Codependent people almost always use an external reference in their personal assessment of themselves. In other words, the codependent's worth and value as a human being is almost exclusively determined by what those in her or his circle of acquaintances say about him or her. Outside approval and affirmations by others are the sole source of their own sense of self esteem. This becomes a serious spiritual issue as well for a religious leader who operates out of this frame of reference. Worth and value are intrinsic to the person because s/he is fashioned by the Creator and should not be contingent upon the evaluation of others. Have students note again how quickly children evaluate themselves almost exclusively by pleasing others, particularly if they are not living in a nourishing and nurturing environment.
   
   
3. Codependent people, therefore, give away their power as persons to others. Spiritually, their Creator has endowed them with power to make decisions for themselves and to mature in their own faith tradition. This becomes impossible if the person constantly gives away personal power to others who s/he deems to be better than s/he is, or relinquishes personal self determination to those who are considered to have power over them. Often, children may not go through the necessary self-differentiation process as they grow up because they are not empowered to discover who they are as created by their Creator.
   
   
4. Codependent people live life in fear of displeasing or offending others. Fear rather than faith dominates their lives, their decisions, and their actions. Spiritually, life is robbed of joy, serenity and peace. In most religious traditions, faith is to supplant fear as the guiding principle for living an abundant life. Fear is dominant and therefore negative feelings like anger are deemed intolerable. As noted in the previous module, the role that children may assume or are assigned in the addictive system has fear as a primary feeling in each instance.
   
   
5. Codependent people are reluctant to take any risks because safety is a prized value. A life lived in faith often involves risk if one is to champion values like justice, equality, and fair play. The mantra of the codependent is "always play it safe." This attitude circumscribes the possibilities and potential of the codependent to ever be a change agent in life. For the children in an addictive household, the rules are: don't talk, don't feel and don't act! Addiction becomes a lifestyle disorder for all persons who are in the system.

 

Module Home • Introduction • Roles of Religious Leaders in Ministering to the Afflicted and Affected • Codependency • Class Activity • Case Study

 

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