How to Help a Child Affected by Family Addiction
When alcohol or drug use affects a family, children often understand that something is wrong without having the words to explain it. They may feel worried, confused, embarrassed, angry, or responsible for problems they did not cause.
The adults caring for them may be trying to hold many things together at once. You may want to help but feel unsure about what to say, how much to explain, or where to begin.
How Does Family Addiction Affect a Child?
Children may see changes in a loved one’s mood or behavior, experience broken promises, feel tension in the home, or take on responsibilities beyond their age. They may learn not to talk about what happens, stop trusting adults, or hide their feelings to protect the family.
Some children become quiet or withdrawn. Others become angry, anxious, highly responsible, or focused on taking care of everyone else. These are often ways of coping with a situation they cannot control.
A child can love their parent or family member and still feel hurt, frightened, or confused by what addiction is doing. They need permission to hold both truths.
What Does a Child Need to Hear?
The most important messages are simple and may need to be repeated:
A caring adult can also help by listening without judgment, explaining addiction in language the child can understand, creating as much consistency as possible, and helping the child identify safe people and safe places.
“Children want to love their parents. They also need to know they did not cause the addiction and it is never their fault.”— Stephanie Abbott, MA, family counselor
Who Is the Caregiver Guide For?
Tools for Parents and Caregivers supports adults caring for children and teens affected by substance use in their family, including parents and stepparents, parents in recovery, grandparents raising grandchildren, kinship and foster caregivers, older siblings with caregiving responsibilities, relatives, and other trusted adults.
Every family situation is different. The guide offers information and options that caregivers can consider based on the child’s age, needs, relationships, and circumstances.
What Will You Find in the Guide?
The guide brings NACoA’s practical caregiver information together in one place. It includes:
- Plain-language explanations of addiction, substance use disorder, and recovery
- Suggestions for age-appropriate conversations
- Messages that reduce children’s fear, isolation, shame, and self-blame
- Ways to help children identify safe people and sources of support
- Guidance for grandparents, kinship caregivers, and parents in recovery
- Books, apps, grief resources, treatment information, and family support options
- The Seven Cs and additional tools created for children and teens
You can read the guide from beginning to end or go directly to the section that best fits what your family needs today.
Hear From Someone Who Grew Up With Parental Addiction
Author and advocate Jody Lamb shares seven truths that every child affected by a parent’s alcohol or drug use deserves to hear.
Watch: 7 Truths Every Kid With an Alcoholic Parent Should Hear
Download Tools for Parents and Caregivers
You do not have to know exactly what to do before you begin. This guide can help you understand what a child may be experiencing and identify practical ways to offer information, stability, connection, and support.
Download the Free Caregiver Guide (PDF)Are you concerned that your child may be using alcohol or drugs? Visit NACoA’s separate guidance for concerned parents.
