The Seven Cs
The Seven Cs are seven simple reminders for children affected by parental or caregiver substance use. When alcohol or drug use becomes part of family life, a child may search for a way to make sense of it. They may wonder whether they caused the problem, whether behaving differently could stop it, or whether caring more could somehow fix it. The Seven Cs answer those questions in language a child can remember.
Created by Jerry Moe, MA, the Seven Cs give children and teens a clear way to understand where their responsibility ends. The words also give caring adults a place to begin when a child is carrying questions, fear or blame that belong in an honest conversation.
Download the Seven Cs in the language your family uses
A child should be able to receive this message in language that feels familiar. NACoA currently offers the Seven Cs in English and 18 translated languages. Choose the translation that fits the child or family you support. For community context and general NACoA tools, see Tribal Community Support; NACoA does not present a general handout as a culturally adapted resource.
If the language your community needs is not listed, send the language and a reviewed translation to nacoa@nacoa.org so NACoA can consider adding it.
Download the version you need and keep it where the child can find it again. The Seven Cs give a child words to return to when questions or self-blame come back.
Before sharing a translated handout, check that the child and caregiver can read it comfortably and that it says what you intend. A translation is not a substitute for someone who can listen in the family’s preferred language. If the child would rather talk than read, use the handout as a prompt and let them respond in their own words. Keep the English original available when a bilingual reviewer wants to compare wording.
The first three Cs put responsibility where it belongs
Children affected by a parent or caregiver’s substance use can take on responsibility that never belonged to them. The first three Cs say plainly that a child did not create the addiction and cannot manage another person out of it.
The First C: I Didn’t Cause It
Children in families affected by parental or caregiver substance use may blame themselves for arguments, broken promises, or changes at home. When adults do not explain what is happening in age-appropriate language, children may create their own explanations and believe they caused the problem. Tell the child plainly: you did not cause another person’s substance use, and it is not your job to fix it. Listen to their questions without asking them to protect an adult’s feelings. A child may need to hear this message more than once from someone they trust.
The Second C: I Can’t Control It
A child may try to stop a parent’s drinking or drug use by being especially helpful, keeping the peace, or watching for signs of trouble. If nothing changes, they may think they need to try harder. They do not. Another person’s substance use is not something a child can control. A caring adult can say this directly and repeat it when the child feels responsible. Help the child identify what is within their reach today, such as telling a safe adult how they feel, finding a quiet place, or asking for help with a practical need. Children deserve time and support to be children.
The Third C: I Can’t Cure It
A child cannot cure another person’s substance use disorder. The person experiencing it may need professional treatment, recovery support, and care that fits their circumstances. Children can care about that person without taking responsibility for their decisions or recovery. A caring adult can explain that getting help is an adult responsibility and that the child deserves support whether or not the family member seeks treatment. If a child worries that they have not tried hard enough, repeat the message gently: loving someone does not mean you have the power to make them stop drinking or using drugs.
A child does not need every detail about addiction to understand these limits. Their words, moods, schoolwork and behavior did not create an adult’s substance use. Monitoring the adult, staying quiet or trying to be perfect will not place the addiction under the child’s control.
Support for the child can begin now, regardless of whether the adult has entered treatment or recovery. A child deserves truthful, age-appropriate reassurance while the family situation is still uncertain.
Sometimes a child asks whether the adult will get better, or whether the family will be okay. It is honest to say that you do not know every answer. You can still tell the child what is true right now: the adult’s substance use is not the child’s fault, and adults are responsible for finding support and making safety plans. Ask whom the child would feel comfortable talking with if they are worried, and help them identify more than one trusted person when possible. If the child describes an immediate safety concern, respond through the appropriate local service or your organization’s safety procedure. Keep the focus on dependable support, not a promise about another person’s choices.
The other four Cs bring the child back to their own life
The remaining four Cs give the child something useful to do with the feelings that remain. They focus on care, communication, choices and the child’s ability to see value in themselves.
The Fourth C: I Can Help Take Care of Myself
Children cannot change or cure a loved one’s substance use disorder, but they can care for themselves. Caring for the body, mind, feelings, and spirit can help a child feel steadier during a difficult time. A trusted adult can remind children that another person’s substance use is not their responsibility and help them name someone safe to talk with. A simple self-care bag might hold a book, art supplies, a comforting note, or ideas for playing a game or spending time outdoors. These small choices do not solve the adult’s problem. They give the child practical ways to ask for support and make room for joy.
The Fifth C: Communicating Feelings
Learning to identify and express feelings in healthy ways is an important skill for children. A “feelings vocabulary,” like faces showing different emotions, can help kids name what they feel. Activities like art, writing, role-play, and talking give them safe ways to express themselves and discover what feels most comfortable. In groups, children often find comfort knowing others share their emotions, realizing they are not alone in their experiences.
The Sixth C: Making Healthy Choices
Healthy choices are the small steps a child can take for their own well-being, not a way to manage an adult’s substance use. Depending on their age and situation, these might include playing with a friend, drawing, resting, spending time outdoors, or writing down a feeling. Fun and ordinary routines matter, even when life at home feels uncertain. Children and teens can also practice asking for help. A caring adult can help them name one or two people who are genuinely safe and available, such as a trusted relative, teacher, school counselor, or coach. Ask the child whom they feel comfortable approaching and make a practical plan for how to reach that person.
The Seventh C: Celebrating Me
Every child has interests, strengths, and relationships that matter beyond what is happening with a parent or caregiver’s substance use. Notice what the child enjoys, and make room for those activities without asking them to earn praise by being responsible for everyone else. Celebrating a friendship, a creative project, a small accomplishment, or a moment of rest can help a child feel seen as a whole person. The Seven Cs give families a way to name what children cannot control and what they can do for themselves. Children need accurate information, caring adults, and opportunities to be children, even while the adults in their lives work toward change.
A caring adult can introduce the Seven Cs slowly. Read them together and pause when one line feels connected to what the child is experiencing. The child may want to talk, listen or come back to the conversation later. Their response does not need to follow a lesson plan.
Keep the language simple and resist asking the child to explain the adult’s behavior. The useful question is what the child needs to feel supported today. The Seven Cs can remain nearby as a reminder when self-blame or worry returns.
The four care-focused Cs are not instructions for a child to handle a family crisis alone. A healthy choice may be as ordinary as keeping an activity they enjoy or asking a trusted adult for help. Communication might begin with a drawing or a few words rather than a long conversation. Celebrate can mean noticing something the child is proud of, even on a difficult day. Adults can make these options real by being available, explaining what help they can offer, and following through. Ask what would make the next day easier, then agree on one manageable step together.
More support for the conversation
The Seven Cs may open questions that need more time and support. Caring adults can use NACoA’s guidance for helping a child affected by family addiction, and teens can find information written directly for them in Just 4 Teens.
Questions about the Seven Cs
What do the Seven Cs mean?
The first three remind a child that they did not cause, cannot control, and cannot cure an adult’s substance use. The other four point toward caring for themselves, communicating feelings, making healthy choices, and celebrating who they are. These words are a starting point for support, not a job the child must complete.
How can I introduce the Seven Cs to a child?
Choose a calm moment and begin with the child’s own questions. You might read just one line together, ask what they think it means, and remind them that the adult’s substance use is not their fault. Listen more than you explain. Let the child know they can return to the conversation later and help them name a trusted adult they can reach.
What if the child does not want to talk?
Do not force a conversation or ask the child to explain the adult’s behavior. Leave the handout where they can find it, tell them you are available, and check in again without pressure. A child may prefer a different trusted person or need time before asking a question. Your steady presence matters more than finishing the list in one sitting.
For more activities and conversation guidance, explore Tools for Kids and NACoA’s language guide for kids and teens. Caregivers can also use the Tools for Parents and Caregivers PDF.
