CELEBRATE MOTHERHOOD RATHER THAN “WINE MOM”
“Surviving Motherhood – One sip at a time.” “Liquid Therapy.” “I wine because they whine.” The “wine mom” sayings go on and on. They are mounted on glasses, t-shirts, cell phone cases, key chains, etc. You’ll find them on chalkboards outside of restaurants and bars, posters on store windows, or signage on endcaps in grocery stores that sell wine and beer. Social media memes and messaging floods Facebook, Twitter, and Instagram with hashtags like #SendWine #WineMom #MommyJuice. Even #bravoholic is seen on snarky posts featuring a female hand grasping the stem of a wine glass accompanied by a note of maternal declaration of courage to complete the day saddled with temper tandems, disrespecting teens, piles of laundry, and struggling to cook dinner for the family. Women seek comradery in Facebook groups with names like: “Moms Gone Wine” “The Wine Mom Chronicles” or “Moms Who Love Wine.” The sentiment: Parenting is so hard. The only way to endure it is with alcohol.
What may have started out as a joke years ago has escalated to blaming children for the stress endured by moms who have worked so hard that they deserve their wine. Or worse, these moms have it so hard they simply can’t get through the day without wine. At their worst, these messages blame the children outright for drinking in excess. Over the last few years, mainstream media has been raising concerns about this trend. Articles and interviews often mention the dangers of normalizing problem drinking, especially at a time binge drinking by women is growing. Yet still overlooked -but can’t be overstated- is the reality that children bear witness to it all. They hear the jokes and read the declarations … and often believe them. Especially when signage and restaurant promotions confirm the assumption that it is their fault: “Treat your mother to a bottle of wine. After all, you are the reasons she drinks!”
These messages grow louder, especially during May around Mother’s Day. Please consider how kids and teens hear these types of comments. And when alcohol is a problem in the household, remember these jokes aren’t humorous. The most important thing to tell children is that problem drinking is not their fault. Tell them they didn’t cause it, they can’t control it, and they can’t cure it.
Certainly, motherhood has moments of frustration and exhaustion. Talking about these feelings, age appropriately and without shame or blame, is an important part of teaching children how to be honest when they are feeling sad, angry, or awkward. It is important to teach, and model, that families reach out to support each other when needed. Self-care is essential for parents, and talking to children about how we care for ourselves at such times nurtures resilience for the entire family.
During May, and throughout the year, celebrating motherhood is better spent steeped in gratitude, love, laughter and family time. Spend time taking a family hike, playing games together, or cooking a favorite family meal together! Celebrating your kids and your relationship with them, rather than the wine you drink, is a wonderful way to love your children.
