Children growing up in a home with a parent struggling with addiction often undergo a lonely, anxious, shameful, and angering existence. These children carry much of the burden and even blame themselves for their parents’ behaviors. In fact, there might not be a more vulnerable population than children of parents struggling with addiction. It is estimated that “approximately one in four U.S. children is exposed at some time before age 18 to familial alcohol dependence (alcoholism), alcohol abuse, or both.”
How should contemporary society modify our behavioral healthcare systems to help these children who fall through the cracks? Something must be done to address the growing needs of children impacted by addiction. As a society, it is time to step up and take a stand to shape a brighter future for the children affected.
Helping Children of Parents Struggling With Addiction
Dr. Kim Johnson, director of SAMHSA’s Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, states, “Substance use disorders have a negative influence on the lives of people and their families, particularly their children.” Also, according to a SAMHSA report, “About 1 in 8 children (8.7 million) aged 17 or younger lived in households with at least one parent who had substance use disorder (SUD) in the past year.” While children understand their parent’s addiction and their living situation, it is hopeless and difficult for them to express their feelings. So, who will advocate for these children and address their needs?
Here at the National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA), we work diligently to be the voice of children impacted by addiction in the home. We always need more people to advocate with us. The good news is that advocating for and addressing these children’s needs is easily accessible. It just takes time, effort, communication, and desire from caring people who want to help children affected by addiction have a brighter, sustainable future.
The first step in addressing a child impacted by addiction is to inform them that addiction is not their fault. At NACoA, we believe in teaching children of the “7 Cs.” “I didn’t CAUSE it. I can’t CONTROL it, and I can’t CURE it. I can help take CARE of myself by COMMUNICATING my feelings, making healthy CHOICES, and CELEBRATING me.” This is about addressing the child’s needs above all else, including addressing the adverse childhood experiences (ACEs) that children often have in homes with active addiction present.
Adverse Childhood Experiences and Their Negative Effects
ACEs are traumatic events during childhood, such as experiencing neglect or abuse. These events are more common and can be heightened when there is addiction in the home. ACEs cause many adverse effects both in the immediate and often set the child down a path to miss out on future opportunities.
Some of these adverse effects are as follows:
- Chronic health problems
- Mental health problems
- Alcohol and substance abuse problems, both in adolescence and adulthood
- Negative impacts on education and job possibilities
- Developmental issues
- Trouble with communication and trust issues
- Extended or prolonged issues of stress
Making Sure That the Focus Stays on the Child When a Parent Is Struggling With Addiction
As we can see, overcoming the ramifications of ACEs from familial addiction is big work. So, how can they best be helped and supported? The first step is to create an open line of communication and build trust with the children that are affected. This communication and trust is often missing in a home with a parent struggling to manage their addiction. Once communication and trust are established, children and youth are more open to guidance from adults.
Family addiction and trauma specialist Dr. Claudia Black refers to three “family rules” that occur when there is addiction in the home. One is “don’t talk,” which is a way of masking the hurt that the addiction is causing. Two is “don’t trust,” which occurs when a child no longer feels supported by anyone in the home. Third is “don’t feel,” which is what happens when a child represses their negative emotions as a coping mechanism to deal with a parent’s addiction. At NACoA, we aim to help families and professionals address and free kids from these “rules” that have been set in place in the home.
Always Addressing the Child’s Needs: Our Primary Purpose at NACoA
Renowned trauma, addiction, and recovery psychologist Patricia O’Gorman says, “All children need protection. Learning safe behavior is a life-long process.” That learning must begin somewhere, and it can start by connecting with NACoA and choosing to make a difference in the lives of children who have been hurt and need help.
Here at NACoA, our primary purpose is to provide resources to help children understand that addiction is not their fault, and they can help themselves heal with healthy living skills, coping skills, and finding safe people who can help them in their lives. We do this by directly addressing children’s needs and spreading awareness about the 7 Cs and the ACEs as a result of addiction in the home.
Another great quote from Dr. O’Gorman says, “You never know how strong you are until being strong is the only choice you have.” Children of addiction already know what it takes to be strong. We need to show them what it feels like to be seen, heard, and worthy of learning new skills that help them have hope for the future.
Children are the first hurt and often the last helped when familial addiction is happening. Families seeking treatment to move toward recovery is a great start, but we still need to be sure the children receive help to heal and become resilient children who have hope for their future with the new skills they can learn from the NACoA Children’s Program Kit. When it comes to addiction in the home, children must know, “They didn’t CAUSE it. They can’t CONTROL it. They can’t CURE it. They can help take CARE of themselves by COMMUNICATING their feelings, Making healthy CHOICES, and CELEBRATING who they are.” For more information on directly addressing children’s needs, please call NACoA today at (301) 468-0985.
