OVERDOSE AND GRIEF:
Children Need Our Support
The convergence of International Grief Awareness Day observed on August 30th and International Overdose Awareness Day honored on August 31st represents the reality for so many children across the country. According to statistics shared by NIDA (the National Institute on Drug Abuse) in May, more than 320,000 children in the United States have lost a parent to a drug overdose from 2011 to 2021. How many grieving families do you believe received casseroles from concerned neighbors? How many teens were consoled by concerned adults who explained the disease of addiction and what happened in those last moments? How many hurting children had parents of close friends care for them and love them in those early days of grief? How many children received any type of support at all, and were told that the addiction – and their parent’s death – was not their fault?
When parents die because of overdose, the children are so often overlooked and stigmatized. These children, those growing up in families impacted by the disease addiction (COAs), face a unique set of challenges that can make their grief especially burdensome. While the loss of a parent is always a profound and life-altering event, the death of a parent due to the chronic illness of substance use disorder carries additional layers of complexity and pain.
Children who lose their parents to addiction often find their grief underacknowledged, or even dismissed, by society. When other parents die because of other more “accepted” diseases or in tragic accidents, details are explained in terms that kids can understand. When we talk to children about cancer for instance, there are wonderful resources helping caring adults through the process: how to talk about what is happening to their parents, how support the children during treatment, and how to help them navigate the experience of death and the early days of grief. These adults bring sympathy, understanding, and assurance that these children are surrounded by love during such a delicate time.
But when the death is a result of overdose, the fear and isolation that children have experienced during the period of substance use often continues after the parent has died and are frequently shrouded in stigma and judgment. This societal bias often results in COAs receiving less emotional support and validation during their grieving process. They may be met with silence, avoidance, or inappropriate comments that exacerbate their sense of isolation, shame, and guilt.
In 2017, a 15-year-old using the name Rock Bottom Teen wrote Dear Abby in desperation about his struggles after he discovered his father had overdosed while he was taking a shower: “I can’t process the thought of losing my dad completely. I’m scared without him. The mental picture comes back to me randomly throughout the day. I can’t take it anymore. I know he’s at peace now, but I still feel like it’s my fault that he’s dead because I took a shower and wasn’t with him. I feel like it should have been me, not him. He had just gotten out of jail a month before he died … I can’t keep crying myself to sleep. I need a way to cope and right now. I feel like I’m at rock bottom and can’t return.” This courageous teenager reached out with the sentiment that is so often felt by these children. They are frightened, alone, and have no idea what to do with the guilt they carry, believing that their parent’s disease and death is entirely their fault. When adults don’t explain what is happening to these children, they tend to believe the explanations they have created for themselves. They are left struggling with the overwhelming burden of responsibility and blame for all that has happened in their families.
The lack of open acknowledgment and discussion about their parent’s addiction and subsequent death can prevent COAs from fully processing their grief and finding the healing they need. The additional burden of losing a parent to addiction can make their grief journey particularly challenging. The trauma of growing up in an environment marked by addiction, combined with the societal stigma surrounding their parent’s death, can lead to complex and prolonged grief reactions.
At the convergence of these important days of advocacy and awareness, NACoA emphasizes the importance of bringing attention to the distinct experiences of COAs and advocating for their inclusion in grief support initiatives. This involves educating the public about the impact of the disease of addiction on families and challenging the stigma that often surrounds addiction-related deaths.
To help adults learn how to be supportive when COAs are grieving, NACoA provides a list of valuable resources: Support for Grieving COAs.
