When a parent’s substance use disorder (SUD) impacts custody situations, the emotional and practical stakes are high. For parents, caregivers, and loved ones navigating these challenging situations, ensuring children’s safety and well-being must remain the focus. In this blog, we’ll explore practical steps for parents to protect their children while prioritizing compassion and avoiding stigmatizing those struggling with SUD.
Understanding the Situation
Custody cases involving SUD can be complex, with courts striving to balance parental rights and the child’s best interests. SUD is a chronic, progressive medical condition that is fatal if left untreated. SUD is not a moral failing. It does not automatically make a parent unfit, but left untreated or unmanaged, SUD can result in behaviors that may endanger and create lasting effects of trauma for children.
The goal is to thoughtfully assess the situation and advocate for arrangements that prioritize stability, safety, and healthy development for the child, while supporting all parties in their recovery journey.
Impact of Parental SUD on Children
When a parent has a SUD, every member of the family is affected, including the children. Children of parents with SUD often experience confusion, fear, and instability in their home environments. The unpredictability and emotional strain can lead to difficulties in school, struggles with self-esteem, and, without intervention, an increased risk of developing their own substance use disorders, mental health challenges, and even health issues later in life.
Children exposed to parental SUD may develop a range of responses, including:
• Internalizing behaviors such as anxiety, depression, and guilt.
• Externalizing behaviors like anger, acting out, or difficulty in relationships.
• A sense of isolation, as they may feel they are the only ones facing these challenges.
• Shame, accepting responsibility for the problems in the family, and ashamed that they couldn’t control or stop them.
It’s essential to provide children with support systems and resources to help them navigate these challenges and avoid long-term effects that continue into adulthood. NACoA Tools for Kids and a therapist are a great place to begin.
Steps to Safeguard and Support Children
1. Document Concerns Keep clear records of any events indicating unsafe parental behavior, such as missed visitations or signs of substance misuse. These details can provide critical evidence in legal settings.
2. Collaborate with Professionals Engage counselors, social workers, and addiction specialists. They can offer valuable perspectives about treatment options, risk assessment, and ways to create a stable environment for the child.
3. Focus on Child Safety Plans Develop a structured safety plan that might include supervised visitations, consistent routines, and requirements for treatment engagement by the parent with SUD. This approach balances accountability with opportunities for recovery.
4. Provide Emotional and Psychological Support for Children Children need their own space for healing and self-care. Therapy, peer support groups, and school counselors can help them process their experiences and build resilience. NACoA’s Programs like The Children’s Program Kit and Celebrating Families! are excellent tools to guide children and families toward understanding and recovery. Supporting the child’s well-being also means supporting the parent’s recovery. Recovery isn’t just for individuals—it can heal families.
5. Emphasize Love-Based Communication If you are a parent or family member, always speak positively or neutrally about the other parent in front of the child, or if they are around and able to hear or disrupt conversations. Children should feel secure in their relationships and not be forced to take sides. Professionals should also be speaking positively or neutrally about the parents if and when the child is present. This stability fosters emotional well-being and prevents feelings of guilt or divided loyalty.
6. Use a Communication Tool or Logbook Implement a shared tool, such as a logbook or parenting app, to streamline communication. This ensures both parents can track important details like schedules, medications, and clothing needs for upcoming events.
7. Shield the Child from Adult Conflicts Protect children from exposure to financial issues, legal proceedings, or parental disagreements. They are not mediators, decision-makers, your friend, or confidante. Preserving their innocence allows them to focus on being kids.
8. Prioritize Self-Care and Emotional Intelligence Children are deeply attuned to their parents’ emotions. Practicing self-care, managing your anger and stress, and modeling emotional intelligence creates a more stable environment. If needed, seek therapy to process your own emotions and remain calm and reassuring around your child.
9. Lean on Legal Guidance Consulting with a family law attorney experienced in SUD-related cases is crucial. While this blog does not offer legal advice, legal professionals can help navigate the legal system and advocate for protective measures aligned with the child’s best interests.
Breaking the Cycle for Children of Parents with SUD
Research shows that children of parents with SUD are more likely to develop substance use problems or mental health issues as adults. By offering support, validation, and education, families can break this cycle.
Key steps include:
• Educating Children About SUD Help them understand, using age appropriate, supportive language, that the parent’s behavior is a result of a treatable medical condition, not their fault.
• Building Resilience Teach coping skills and provide healthy outlets such as sports, art, or other hobbies.
• Connecting with Peers Encourage participation in programs like Alateen or a children’s program attached to a behavioral health facility, where they can share experiences with others who understand their situation.
• Finding Healing as an Adult Family Member Affected by a SUD Gaining an understanding of how a spouse/co-parent/ caregiver has also been affected by the SUD and seeking healing is important. Through peer support and seeking therapy or other healing practices, you can nurture a centered, functional foundation that is essential for children trying to make sense of all of the changes taking place in the family. Nurturing resilience through modeling and guidance for the entire family becomes an integral part of the solution for children, and the family.
Reducing Stigma in Custody Conversations
Language shapes how we approach and resolve custody issues involving SUD. Using person-first language—like “parent with a substance use disorder” rather than “addict”—promotes understanding and avoids judgment. Stigma can erode trust and cooperation, making it harder to develop effective solutions.
Resources for Families
NACoA offers a range of educational materials and resources for families and children affected by SUD. Guidance for parents such as Tools for Parents and Caregivers: Helping Families Impacted by Substance Use Disorders help to inform parents and caregivers about the issues facing kids and teens, and how to help them.
Additional Legal Resources
• American Bar Association (ABA) Family Law Section
Offers articles and resources on family law topics, including the impact of substance use disorders on custody cases.
• DivorceNet
Explores how a parent’s substance misuse can influence custody decisions and offers insights into legal considerations.
Putting the Child First
In every custody situation, the child’s best interests must take precedence. Balancing compassion for a parent’s struggles with SUD while safeguarding children’s safety and emotional health is no easy task—but it’s a necessary one. By focusing on solutions that protect children and promote family recovery, we can create environments where healing and growth are possible.
