There should be little doubt that the language we use shapes who we are. This goes for us as individuals, as well as a society. The renowned trauma, addiction, and recovery psychologist Patricia O’Gorman says, “Stories are as much a reflection of the teller as they are about the subject. What story we choose to tell and what aspects of it we choose to emphasize have a great deal to do with the issues we are currently struggling with, as well as our beliefs.” Then, what does stigmatizing language do to the stories that children of addiction tell themselves?
Advocating against addiction stigma and stigmatizing language is also advocating for the wellness of children of addiction. Advocacy is critical for children of a parent struggling with addiction. It works to eliminate stigmatizing language before it can manifest in a struggling child’s mindset. The goal is to eliminate the stigma that negatively shapes a child’s perspective before it has a chance to do so.
Understanding the 20th Century Shift in Stigma Surrounding Addiction
Addiction has long been culturally stigmatized. The person struggling has often been portrayed as “weak-willed,” “mean-spirited,” or “lacking character.” Many people with addiction were shunned from society, sometimes institutionalized, and even subjected to what we now know as widely off-based medical practices. The lobotomy for use as a “cure” for alcoholism in the early 20th Century is a prime example of this. Thankfully, there has been a shift in perception since that time.
Perhaps the biggest shift in perception and stigma surrounding addiction came in the early 20th Century with the concept of “addiction as a disease.” This was further promoted by the first fully formed program of 12-Step recovery, Alcoholics Anonymous (AA), and a doctor named William D. Silkworth.
In the second edition of the primary text of 12-Step recovery (most commonly referred to as the “Big Book”), Dr. Silkworth writes that people with addiction all “have one symptom in common: they cannot start drinking [or using substances] without developing the phenomenon of craving. This phenomenon, as we have suggested, may be the manifestation of an allergy that differentiates these people and sets them apart as a distinct entity. It has never been, by any treatment with which we are familiar, permanently eradicated.”
This is the start of destigmatizing addiction from that of choice to that of a chronic disease. It was a pivotal moment, but it most certainly did not eradicate the stigmatizing language that surrounds addiction. The fight to eliminate stigmatizing language continues.
A Brief History of Stigmatizing Language Surrounding Addiction
The fact of the matter is that even the term “addiction” stirs up a lot of thoughts and feelings in people. This may be because they have personally been affected by addiction, or they are so unfamiliar with addiction that they feel intimidated about having a conversation surrounding it. It may also be due to some preconceived notions that have been passed down societally, socially, or generationally. Regardless of where these feelings may have manifested, the result often comes out as stigmatizing language about addiction.
Terms like “addict, junkie, user, abuser, and drunk” are all terms that arouse negative sentiments when thinking about and discussing the disease of addiction. These negative terms aren’t just being discussed because the acceptable language landscape is changing. This is not merely about uncomfortable words. These are words that are still causing serious harm and damage to individuals and their families struggling with addiction. Stigmatizing language has a ripple effect that eventually lands in the home and affects children of addiction.
How Stigmatizing Language Can Shape a Child’s Perspective
The reality is that the number of kids affected by addiction in the home is much higher than many people think. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), “About 1 in 8 children (8.7 million) aged 17 or younger lived in households with at least one parent who had a past year substance use disorder (SUD).” Also, ”About 1 in 10 children (7.5 million) lived in households with at least one parent who had a past year alcohol use disorder and about 1 in 35 children (2.1 million) lived in households with at least one parent who had an illicit drug use disorder in the past year.”
Due to the staggeringly high nature of these statistics, it can be easy to get lost in the numbers. But, it is important to remember that these stats are not just numbers; they are individual children who deserve and need help to heal. Eliminating the stigmatizing language surrounding addiction that many of them face daily is one way to start that healing process.
When a child hears any of the stigmatizing terms that were listed earlier, it can cause them to view their parents as “less than,” “reckless,” or even “criminal.” In turn, this perspective of viewing their parents that are pushed upon them may soon become internalized and directed toward themselves. It is the “apple doesn’t fall too far from the tree” stereotype or mindset, and it can cause serious damage to their emotional state, as well as household dynamics. As Dr. O’Gorman says, “Stories are as much a reflection of the teller as they are about the subject.”
Stigmatizing language can also have a devastating effect on the way children of parents struggling with addiction communicate (or choose not to communicate). When surrounded by stigmatizing language, a child may choose to say nothing about struggles with a parent due to the fear of ridicule. This not only bottles up a child’s emotions, which may cause many issues down the road, but it eliminates the chance for any type of intervention to happen in the household to get the family the help they need.
These are just a few of the reasons why eliminating the stigmatizing language surrounding addiction is so crucial. Unfortunately, the total elimination of stigma is not realistic. But, explaining stigmatizing language to a child in need is still completely accessible, and it is a great way of beginning a conversation about addiction with a child in need.
Explaining Stigmatizing Language to a Child of a Parent Struggling With Addiction
When it comes to explaining stigmatizing language to a child of a parent struggling with addiction, it is important to understand that it should be a discussion rather than an oration. The key is to have a conversation with them, never at them.
Professionals working with children of addiction might begin by asking them about their notions and thoughts regarding stigmatizing language and addiction. This way of opening up the conversation can help them to understand the level by which a child has processed the stigmas that they have encountered. Some young people may have thought a lot about stigmatizing language and have a lot to say about how they feel. Others may only be realizing at the moment that these certain stigmatizing terms have been distressing. At this point, we should let them process and speak freely because there is a good chance that they have not yet been afforded this opportunity to do so in a safe space.
It is also critical to determine how much a child understands regarding the false nature of stigmatizing language. They may see stigmatizing language as harmful, but they may also believe that there is still some validity in it. After all, they may ask, “Why would so many people use the language if there wasn’t any truth in it?” Questions like these open up a good opportunity to discuss the fallacy of addiction stigmas, such as false notions of “choice,” “weak will,” or “lack of care.”
Now that some discussion has taken place regarding the status of stigma directed toward the parent, it is vitally important that the conversation turns to the emotional harm done to the child. It is essential to eliminate any guilt or shame that a child may be harboring due to both a parent’s addiction and/or the stigmatizing language surrounding a parent’s addiction.
The 7 Cs: Reminding a Child That Addiction Is Not Their Fault
According to another examination on the subject by NIDA entitled Stigma and Discrimination, “Many people do not know that a substance use disorder is the result of changes in the brain that make drug use compulsive (difficult or impossible to stop without adequate support). Some people with severe substance use disorders may become aggressive, lie, or steal to support their drug problem or during withdrawal. These behaviors may alienate them even further from family, friends, and society and reinforce certain negative stereotypes around substance use.” All essential information that can help a child begin to understand that addiction is no one’s fault, especially not their own.
This is where the “7 Cs” can help. The 7 Cs are “I didn’t CAUSE it. I can’t CONTROL it; I can’t CURE it; I can help take CARE of myself by COMMUNICATING my feelings, making healthy CHOICES, and CELEBRATING me.”
It is not uncommon for a child of a parent struggling with addiction to try to “save” the household as a proxy way of saving their parent. Often, by keeping up with the day-to-day needs of the home, a child attempts to hold onto a bit of normalcy in hopes that a parent will take a cue, “recover,” and take over what already should be their responsibilities. Not only is this unfortunate, as no child should have to act beyond their years due to addiction, but based on what we know about addiction, it is unfounded.
The reality is that addiction is a disease, and not only is it a disease, but it is a “chronic disease.” This means that, like any other physiological chronic disease, such as diabetes, heart disease, or cancer, addiction will only negatively progress without professional intervention. Since addiction is also a family disease, the same prognosis is true. This is why it is imperative to get a child of a parent struggling with addiction the help they need sooner rather than later.
Getting a Child of a Parent Struggling With Addiction the Help They Need
One important aspect to remember is that getting a child the help they need does not need to be directly correlated to the needs of the parent. This is a focus on the child in need, first and foremost. Yes, it is important that a child’s parent get the help they need, but just because a parent accepts help or is even in active recovery does not mean that the child’s needs are also met.
There are many reputable, eager, and effective professionals out there who have made it their primary purpose to help children of parents with addiction recover. These include therapists, psychotherapists, addiction specialists, counselors, and clinicians from such institutions as the Hazelden Betty Ford Clinic and the children’s program at Caron Treatment Centers. The key is getting connected with them and making sure that they are the right fit for a child’s individual needs.
There are also many local community recovery groups and outreach centers that can be great resources for getting a child of a parent struggling with addiction help. This includes recovery groups such as Al-Anon and Alateen, which use a 12-Step system similar to other programs.
Then, there are more specific sites curated just for children in need of healing. This includes the resources we offer online at the National Association for Children of Addiction (NACoA).
NACoA has the resources and information needed to help anyone who wants to help children get past the issues that are caused by addiction in the home. This includes those who work directly with children still in the home, with entire families, and with adult children of alcoholics looking to break the cycle of addiction in their own homes.
Advocating Against the Stigmatizing Language Surrounding Addiction
One of the best ways of eliminating the effects of stigmatizing language surrounding addiction on a child’s well-being is also perhaps the simplest; “If you hear or see something stigmatizing, say something.” While it may not seem like much, correcting other people’s stigmatizing language can have a ripple effect that can create much more change than one may think.
Also, the truth is that many people may not even be aware that they are using stigmatizing language. While it may feel intimidating at times, the important thing to remember is that stigmatizing language causes real harm, especially to children. We must do our part.
Our Goal of Eliminating Stigmatizing Language and Helping Children in Need at NACoA
Here at NACoA, we pride ourselves on being the voice of children in need, and we ensure that that voice is always free of stigmatizing language. We must remember that the landscape of addiction and recovery is always changing, and so, too, is the language and terms that accompany it. What is believed to be acceptable language today may be considered stigmatizing tomorrow, which is why we keep our fingers on the pulse of the industry and always have new and responsible resources available to anyone who may need or want them.
The highly influential 20th-century psychiatrist Viktor Frankl wrote in his groundbreaking work, Man’s Search for Meaning, “The more one forgets himself – by giving himself to a cause to serve or another person to love – the more human he is.” We are all human beings having a human experience on this planet, and we must respect each other’s experience with empathy, compassion, and the use of respectable and loving language. By doing so, we can better ensure that our actions and words today don’t affect the children of today or the adult children of those struggling with addiction tomorrow. As a society, we all deserve better than that.
Parents with substance use disorders (SUDs) are often stigmatized by society, including in healthcare, education, legal, and social settings. As a result, they often experience discrimination and health inequities. Children of parents with SUD often experience stigma and view their parents differently. Stigmatizing language can affect and shape the future of a child living with a parent with an addiction disease. Also, the language, ideology, and opinions shaped by stereotypes have a negative impact not only on children but on the entire addiction recovery population. This is why raising awareness surrounding the addiction stigma issue remains crucial. For more information on how to stop the stigmas that surround parents with SUD, please reach out to NACoA today at (301) 468-0985.
