Childhood is the time in life when we should feel safest. We should feel safe to express ourselves, safe to make mistakes, and safe to dream about what life has in store. All children deserve safe spaces. Yet, children living with a parent who is suffering with a substance use disorder are often robbed of these fundamental joys of being a kid.

What Are Safe Spaces for Children of Parents Struggling With Addiction?

The concept of “safe spaces” is relatively straightforward. It is derived directly from the name; they are about making a child feel wholly safe from any threatening situations. 

While the concept of safe spaces is straightforward, it is more complex and involved when it comes to creating them. This makes it paramount for those people who focus on strengthening and supporting children of addiction (professionals, therapists, doctors, community leaders, teachers, etc.) to know how to create them and/or where to find the resources to help them ensure they are in place. 

What Types of Safe Spaces Are There?

Many spaces can be safe spaces as long as there is distance from any conflict (in this instance, the behaviors of a parent struggling with addiction) and it is free of any triggers. However, while most spaces can be made safe, there are very specific spaces that tend to be more universally safe. 

These spaces include areas offered by recovery communities. Al-Anon and Alateen are good examples of community spaces. Treatment centers that offer children and family programs can also be very safe and secure. The children and families programs at Caron Treatment Centers and the Betty Ford Children’s Program are prime examples.

What Is a ‘Safe Space Network’?

It is also important to have a network of resources handy when issues arise, and a safe space is needed in short order. This network may include addiction specialists, medical professionals, social workers, domestic violence shelters, social service agencies, community outreach volunteers, peers who are also experiencing the same issues, teachers, counselors, and law enforcement. 

The best practice for “a safe space network” is to have it readily available and be willing to use it whenever any need arises. Although sometimes difficult to discuss with parents and caregivers, it is essential to provide support for a child whose home has become unsafe due to dangers related to active addiction. We must remember that the “it takes a village” concept is an effective one, and as professionals, we have an obligation to the welfare of the children we encounter who may be in harm’s way.

Using the ‘Family Rules’ to Better Understand Unsafe Spaces

Highly regarded author and childhood addiction and trauma psychologist Dr. Claudia Black breaks down what addiction does to a family by using three rules. These rules are “don’t talk, don’t trust, and don’t feel.” When these rules are in place and dominating, then the hope of a safe space without external support is unlikely.

In her book, It Will Never Happen to Me, Dr. Black offers ways to combat these rules effectively and, in doing so, create a safe space for children to reside. To combat the “don’t talk” rule, Dr. Black discusses opening up to a child about our own past experiences. Relatability and feeling seen can be crucial when it comes to opening up and communicating what feels “unsafe” about a home or a situation.

To combat the “don’t trust” rule, Dr. Black advises that we focus on validating a child’s feelings. Bringing greater focus on connecting with other family members who are also struggling within the house is crucial. Communication within the home can be critical because it better ensures that the space will remain safe once we initially step back and allow the child some space to grow.

When it comes to the “don’t feel” rule, the key is to help a child better understand that any feelings that they have are okay. It is about educating them about feelings, so they become comfortable identifying and feeling their feelings, rather than bottling them up. It can be helpful to focus on identifying the feelings of fear they have in their current space and allow them to communicate those fears openly. We must remind them that when they express themselves fully to us, as safe people, we can make the changes that they want and need for support.

Supporting Safe Spaces at NACoA

We must continue to keep supportive and safe spaces available to children impacted by addiction/substance use disorder. Here at NACoA, we believe that we have a responsibility to help guide anyone who wants to create safe spaces for children struggling with a parent’s addiction. This is why we make ourselves available at all times whenever anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help. 

Many people may recognize the “Responsibility Statement” that is often read in Al-Anon and other 12-Step program meetings. It reads, “When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, I want the hand of [love and recovery] always to be there. And for that, I am responsible.” At NACoA, we take this responsibility seriously. Because children deserve to feel heard, seen, and safe. Always.

If there is a crisis at home, children should have access to a safe space where they can go. It may be for the afternoon or overnight. Keeping a list of places and friends or relatives, family shelters, teen centers, libraries, and parks can help a child find relief from stress at home. Safe spaces are important for children living in a home with a parent who uses drugs or alcohol. Having a support network to aid a child can not only help the child navigate difficult situations but allow them the perspective that their environment is not the only kind of living space they need to know. There are safe spaces. For more information, contact NACoA at (301) 468-0985.