Colleen Perry is an adult child of addiction who has come to terms with the trauma she endured in her youth. Part of that was learning how to handle her trauma and the concept of forgiveness. In a recent interview, Collen explained, “I feel like there’s this big push for forgiveness within the community, and it’s like you have to get to that point. For some people, it ends up being a stumbling block for them, and I just don’t feel like that’s fair.” This is also true for those people helping a child understand, process, and navigate their parent’s recovery.

Helping a Child Understand That They Didn’t Cause Their Parent’s Addiction

Colleen Perry now shares her story of growing up with an alcoholic mom online so that other people can relate to her story and not feel so alone in their own experiences of addiction in the home. She lost her mother due to alcoholism at the age of 24 and did not have any intervention to help her transition from her experiences as a child of an alcoholic into adulthood. Colleen speaks of the struggles she experienced on her own and coming to terms with the damage that addiction inflicted upon her family.

She explains, “My dad jumped right back into a dysfunction. My sister is dealing with her own baggage, and we’re still kind of trying to come to a point where we’re in a good place… And I feel like people don’t realize that it’s a family disease, and people are like, I made out of it, I’m fine. But are they truly?” Colleen’s experience is one that represents a child who received no intervention and whose parent did not make it into recovery. But what about helping children navigate parents in recovery?

Many children experience feelings as though they are somehow responsible for their parent’s addiction. This is because they often take on the role of the adult in the family and feel as though they should be able to “control” or manage the chaos that addiction can introduce into the home. It is important to help a child understand that they didn’t cause their parent’s addiction, and they cannot cure it either.

Helping a Child Understand That They Can’t Cure Their Parent’s Addiction

Many children must not only navigate their parent’s addiction, but they must also navigate their relationship with them when they enter recovery. There is a tendency for people to let their guard down and think that everything is okay now; the parent in the family is back on track, and the family should surely follow.

This is rarely the case. There is a lot of trauma and negative family dynamics that must be worked through for there to be true healing. Part of that healing must come from understanding that they cannot cure their parent’s addiction, and a parent maintaining recovery is never a guarantee.

It is important to help children see that their parent’s recovery is not something that they have control over, and they must be helped to detach their emotions from the ups and downs that can come from a parent trying to recover. Supporting a child in understanding that they can’t cure their parent’s addiction is a step in the right direction toward making healthy choices for their own well-being.

Helping Children Make Healthy Choices for Their Own Well-Being

Colleen Perry has now made it her mission to help children and adult children of addiction make healthy choices for themselves moving forward. Perry explains, “I enjoy, and I almost feel a responsibility. This is probably the child of an alcoholic coming out in me, but I definitely feel like no one else is gonna do it. So I might as well tell my story.”

Colleen tells her story so that others may join her in the fight to help children overcome their trauma and navigate whatever family dynamics may arise within a household affected by addiction. For some, this means supporting a parent in recovery but not bearing the weight of that recovery on their shoulders.

Part of making healthy choices for a child means deciding to focus on healing themselves first and foremost. NACOoA offers toolkits and resources that can help make that personal recovery happen.

NACoA: Envisioning a World Where No Child Struggles

For professionals and peers with the aim of supporting children and adult children of addiction, NACoA has your back. We have one goal in mind, and that is creating a world where children no longer have to struggle in houses affected by addiction.

No one can make a parent recover. Only they can make that choice. But we can help kids make the best choices for their own recovery and their own lives moving forward.

“I didn’t CAUSE it. I can’t CONTROL it. I can’t CURE it. I can help take CARE of myself by COMMUNICATING my feelings, Making healthy CHOICES, and CELEBRATING me.” These are the 7 Cs of addiction. There is little doubt that a parent’s addiction can take a toll on a child. Living in a household with a parent who uses substances can create an environment that is harmful to the child. There must be a paradigm shift in how children of addiction are seen and treated. For more information on some effective tools for teaching coping skills to children of addiction, please reach out to NACoA today at (301) 468-0985.