No. They can be young, old, rich, poor, male, female, and any race or religion.
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Growing up today can be a challenge. May these quotes help you to grow and develop new skills. May they lead you to increased hope and happiness.
- Cathy Brown, Betty LaPorte, Jerry Moe
Please don’t forget these four facts. They come in handy when you least suspect it.
Hi kids! Have you met Beamer? Beamer is growing up in a family impacted with addiction. You can tell what he’s feeling on the inside by the color of his head (yellow = happy, white = fear, red = anger, blue = sadness, blue = guilt, pink = embarrassment).
Are you a kid with a mom or dad who drinks too much? Here are some resources created to help kids just like you.
Alcohol use disorder is a disease. People with the disease have lost control over their drinking and cannot stop without help. They also lose control over how they act when they are drunk.
Doctors don’t know all the reasons why people suffer from alcohol use disorder. Some start out drinking a little bit and end up hooked on alcohol. A person might drink to forget problems or to calm nerves, but then they end up needing alcohol to feel normal. Once a person loses control over drinking, he or she needs help to stop drinking.
At first, the person with alcohol or substance use disorder is not aware that they are ill. Even when they become aware that something is wrong, they may not believe that alcohol or drugs are the problems. They might keep blaming things on other people, or might blame their job, or the house, or whatever. But, really, it’s the alcohol that’s the biggest problem.
No. They can be young, old, rich, poor, male, female, and any race or religion.
No. It is important to know that someone with an alcohol or drug use disorder needs help to stop drinking or using drugs, but no one can be forced to accept the help, no matter how hard you try or what you do. It is also important to know that family members by themselves cannot provide the help that that person needs. They need the help of people trained to treat the disease.
About eleven million children in our country are growing up with at least one parent with alcohol use disorder. There are probably a few in your class right now. And remember, some adults grew up with these types of parents too.
Talk to someone you trust about the problem. Talk to a teacher, a scout leader, a coach, a school counselor. Also, there is a group for kids who have parents with alcohol use disorder called “Alateen.” Alateen has meetings, like a club, and the kids share tips on how to make life easier. Find a meeting in your area by checking their online directory. Or you can search on the internet for Alateen and include your city, county or state. Someone at Al-Anon answer line – (757) 563-1600 – can probably tell you how to find the meetings too. Ask at school if there are any Alateen groups or school-sponsored support groups. If you have access to the internet, search “Alateen” together with the name of your county.
There is no cure for alcohol use disorder except stopping the disease process by stopping the drinking. People with alcohol use disorder who have completely stopped drinking refer to themselves as being “sober” and in “recovery.” People in recovery can lead healthy, happy, productive lives.
While NACoA provides increasing amounts of information to help children and families, especially with the broad reach of internet communications, it is not feasible to provide needed direct services to children and families across the country and around the world. Therefore, NACoA’s approach to addressing family alcohol or other drug addiction as effectively as possible is to work with a network of relationships with professional groups who serve kids on the front lines.
Primary Care Physicians see children suffering from the physical and emotional results of addiction in the family.
The Court System sees the ravages of parental addiction to alcohol and other drugs in their courtroom every day.
Social workers touch every system that seeks to help children cope with a variety of family problems, many of which are rooted in parental addiction for many generations.
Educators may notice that a child is withdrawn or unable to do school work because of the chaos at home caused by alcoholism/addiction.
Early childhood Professionals see children from birth through age three, the youngest and most vulnerable population to be affected by parental addiction.
Faith leaders are often the first to be contacted by a spouse who needs help for themselves and their children.
Working in compassionate professions that touch the lives of traumatized children and teenagers regularly can emotionally exhaust and at times physically impact the best of professionals. Depending upon the level of daily involvement, these responsibilities have the capacity to even elicit PTSD-like symptoms, especially if you grew up in a family that struggled with substance disorders that created trauma in your earlier life. It is important for anyone working in these professions to exercise appropriate self-care, and if necessary consider attending Al-Anon or Nar-Anon meetings. NACoA provides a wealth of information for those professionals who see children every day: profession-specific research, kits, books, online educational opportunities, trainings and videos to educate and support those who are in the best position to identify and assist children who live with alcohol or other addictions in the family.
Our training and program resources equip professionals and individuals with tools and knowledge to help provide support to children and families impacted by a loved one’s alcohol or drug addiction.
The library of webinars provides an archive of critical topics on addiction, its impact on the family, children and the community. The speakers are all well-known and knowledgeable subject-matter authorities, providing key insights and information for the listener. The webinars range from 1 ½ to 2 hours in length.
The library of webinars provides an archive of critical topics on addiction, its impact on the family, children and the community. The speakers are all well-known and knowledgeable subject-matter authorities, providing key insights and information for the listener. The webinars range from 1 ½ to 2 hours in length.
This NACoA-developed kit provides all the tools needed to implement educational support groups for children of clients in treatment for addiction, for educational support groups and other educational prevention activities in schools, and for support groups and educational programs in youth-serving community based and faith-based organizations.
The Celebrating Families! curriculum is an evidence-based cognitive behavioral support group model written for families in which one or both parents have a serious problem with alcohol or other drugs and in which there is a high risk for domestic violence, child abuse, or neglect.
It only takes one caring and understanding adult to change a child's life.
When a child’s family struggles with alcohol or substance misuse/addiction issues, the most powerful assistance to the child can come from a caring adult in their lives. Often the child turns to a relative or friend of the family who has acknowledged in some way that they are concerned and available, thus making it feel safe for the child to talk. It could be the mother who is terrified of what is happening to her children as she watches her husband’s addiction grow more concerning, the grandmother who knows her son has a problem with prescription drugs, the best friend who is worried about the mother who routinely is drinking to excess and passing out before dinner, the older brother who works close by and is contacted regularly because no one picked up his younger brother from basketball practice, and many others, whom the child can trust with their “biggest worry.” The goal here is to put tools in the hands of these caring family members who take on the role of caretaker so that they might do the following things:
As a result of broken promises, harsh words, and the threat of abuse, children in many families dealing with parental addiction learn the “Don’t Trust” mantra all too well; silence and isolation can become constant companions. Perhaps the most important gift is the bonding and attachment children attain in healthy relationships with others.
In their book The Resilient Self, Drs. Sybil and Steven Wolin describe "Relationships" as an integral part of the Resilience Mandala.
In her ground-breaking research, Dr. Emmy Werner noted that resilient COAs often had a nurturing adult in their lives. Building trust is a process, not an event; time is the key. Simply caring about a child is all that it takes to start. Listening, regular time together, playing with, validating, respecting, and empowering a youngster will build a positive connection.
Jerry Moe, national director of the Betty Ford Center Children's Programs, often reminds us that "children don't care about how much adults know until they know how much adults care."
There simply can’t be resilient children unless caring adults lead the way. As bonding grows, a nurturing adult’s words take on added meaning and significance as the youngster deeply considers the source. A child may hear accurate information about alcoholism in a brand new way. Moreover, a kid can build upon his or her strengths and resilience as a result of the conscious modeling provided by that caring adult.
Whether we have children of our own or not, many of us can become a nurturing adult in a young child’s life. A youngster desperately in need of such an alliance is very close by. Downloading and reading through the Kit for Kids with a child is a great start to helping them cope with their situation.
Most people are uncomfortable with the idea of approaching someone about problem drinking. But when a child’s well being is at stake, you may be the one to begin the process of reaching out to the problem drinker.
The Road to Recovery series, provided by the SAMHSA Center for Substance Abuse Treatment, features eight episodes focused on the field of recovery. Click here for a special episode dealing with intergenerational issues, and the hope that early intervention can bring for years to come.
At times, the best efforts to help the person struggling with alcohol and/or drugs are not met with a willingness to acknowledge and understand what is happening to him/her and heart-wrenching deterioration in the addicted person — physically, spiritually and socially — continues. The increased concern, anger, and feeling of helplessness grows as the family experiences alienation from the person they love who, in their view it seems, is choosing a relationship with alcohol over one with them.
Watching a person struggle with addiction is incredibly painful. Denial can be strong, shielding a person from admitting that the addiction is affecting day to day living, performance at work, and/or the family. It is often thought that it requires significant challenge – losing a job, one’s family, a tragic accident or experience – to “wake up” a person to the truth that there is a problem. This epiphany, it is believed, results in a commitment to treatment and recovery. Unfortunately, the desperation at this level of challenge can make successful recovery appear insurmountable, and actually may be too late for effective behavioral change. Instead, structured family intervention with the assistance of a professional can help lead a loved one to accept help and the possibility of recovery, before such devastation occurs.
